It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
