There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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