I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
