Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
