I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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