Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
