Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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