I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
we should paint friendship bongs
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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