I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
