dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
