Got a toothbrush?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Just invented taco cereal.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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