Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
