so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
