we should wear snuggies to the strip club
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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