Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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