Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
