It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
