Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
