just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
ttyl tear gas
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
