Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
