This is not my ceiling
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I don't think brook has ever known best
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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