the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
