Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Randomize
