a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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