the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize