Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
