I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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