Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
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