What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
