I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
