she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
