I showed him my bush... on skype.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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