Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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