Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
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