so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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