I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
