wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
