she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Are my feet made of real feet?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize