I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
