Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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