So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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