if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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