ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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