i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
