Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
