Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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