You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
