I love black thongs
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
