She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
