is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
