i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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