Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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