I seem to have left my pride at pride
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
