four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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