at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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