Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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