So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Pooping to opera.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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