I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
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