I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize