he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
