she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Randomize
