you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm like, not good at living.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
