i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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