thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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