ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize