my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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