so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
