dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
