I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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