Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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