How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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