All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
