so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
