in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Someone shattered a urinal.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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