So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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