HIV tests are more positive than that guy
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
