So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
