So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
