Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
