you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
