Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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