How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
