I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I pour the whiskey from now on
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
