i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
