A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
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