Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
