If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
