Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
