I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
