Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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