ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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