you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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