she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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