Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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