the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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