It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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