Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
