Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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