Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
