my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize