I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
50% drunk capacity currently
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
