i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
