Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize