she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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