it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize