break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Randomize
